“Florida!!!” from TTPD
At Swift Steps, we use lyrics and songs to reflect on our own experiences with addiction, mental health, and recovery—both mine and our members.
This week's song struck a chord with many of us, leading to some amazing discussions and insights. I want to assure you that I will never share what our members discuss because of our confidentiality promises.
However, I do gather my own thoughts before the meetings, and I’m excited to share them with you each week!
“I want to assure you that I will never share what our members discuss because of our confidentiality promises.“
This week’s song is "Florida!!!" from TTPD.
If you wanna take a listen:
"You can beat the heat if you beat the charges too
“The affair I had only deepened my sense of shame, and it felt like my whole life was spiraling out of control.”
They said I was a cheat, I guess it must be true"
This part really hits home for me. It speaks to the external pressures and accusations that come with addiction. When I separated from my husband—who was wonderful and supportive but couldn’t move past his resentment—I felt incredibly isolated and guilty. The affair I had only deepened my sense of shame, and it felt like my whole life was spiraling out of control.
"Little did you know
Your home's really only a town you're just a guest in
So you work your life away
Just to pay for a timeshare down in Destin"
These lines remind me of how disconnected I felt from my own life. Even though I've been sober for eight years, the last couple of years felt like I was just going through the motions, trying to keep up appearances. My separation was a stark reminder that I felt like a guest in my own home, constantly working to hold everything together without ever truly feeling at peace.
"Florida is one hell of a drug
Florida, can I use you up?"
“Using “Florida” as a metaphor for escape is really powerful. ”
Using "Florida" as a metaphor for escape is really powerful. Over the past year, I often felt like I was using distractions to escape the pain and confusion of my situation. It was a temporary refuge, much like how substances used to provide a fleeting escape during my active addiction.
“This verse captures the recklessness and self-destruction I felt during my lowest moments. ”
"The hurricane with my name when it came
I got drunk and I dared it to wash me away
Barricaded in the bathroom with a bottle of wine
Well, me and my ghosts, we had a hell of a time"
This verse captures the recklessness and self-destruction I felt during my lowest moments. Confronting my personal demons and feelings of abandonment, I often found myself isolated, trying to cope in unhealthy ways. The ghosts of my past were always present, reminding me of the unresolved pain I carried.
"Yes, I'm haunted but I'm feeling just fine
All my girls got their lace and their crimes
And your cheating husband disappeared
Well, no one asks any questions here"
This part really resonates with me. On the outside, I tried to appear fine, but inside, I was struggling with intense emotions. The culture of silence and avoidance made it even harder to address the underlying issues, perpetuating a cycle of secrecy and unresolved pain.
“The culture of silence and avoidance made it even harder to address the underlying issues, perpetuating a cycle of secrecy and unresolved pain.”
"So I did my best to lay to rest
All of the bodies that have ever been on my body
And in my mind, they sink into the swamp
Is that a bad thing to say in a song?"
Trying to move past my traumas and harmful experiences has been a significant part of my journey. The metaphor of sinking into the swamp represents my attempts to bury the past, though it often lingered in my mind. This ongoing struggle to heal and let go of my past has been central to my recovery.
“This part speaks to the cycle of running from problems and finding yourself in similar situations. ”
"Little did you know
Your home's really only the town you'll get arrested
So you pack your life away
Just to wait out the shitstorm back in Texas"
This part speaks to the cycle of running from problems and finding yourself in similar situations. The past year has shown me that, despite my best efforts, unresolved issues tend to resurface, forcing me to confront them again.
"I need to forget, so take me to Florida
I've got some regrets, I'll bury them in Florida
“Seeking validation or punishment, grappling with self-loathing, and trying to find beauty amidst chaos were all part of my journey. This song has helped me articulate these complex feelings.”
Tell me I'm despicable, say it's unforgivable
At least the dolls are beautiful, fuck me up, Florida"
The desire to forget and escape from regrets was a powerful drive during my toughest moments. Seeking validation or punishment, grappling with self-loathing, and trying to find beauty amidst chaos were all part of my journey. This song has helped me articulate these complex feelings.
"Love left me like this and I don't want to exist
So take me to Florida"
Feeling abandoned and unloved, leading to existential despair, was a profound experience during my separation. The longing for escape and the struggle to find meaning and self-worth have been central to my journey, and this song has provided a means to process these emotions.
“The longing for escape and the struggle to find meaning and self-worth have been central to my journey, and this song has provided a means to process these emotions.”
Feeling connected to this reflection? Join us for our next Swift Steps meeting where we explore the emotional challenges of growth, love, and recovery. Our community is here to support you.
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