"Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus" from TTPD

At Swift Steps, we use lyrics and songs to reflect on our own experiences with addiction, mental health, and recovery—both mine and our members.

This week's song struck a chord with many of us, leading to some amazing discussions and insights. I want to assure you that I will never share what our members discuss because of our confidentiality promises.

However, I do gather my own thoughts before the meetings, and I’m excited to share them with you each week!

“I want to assure you that I will never share what our members discuss because of our confidentiality promises.“

This week’s song is "Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus” from TTPD, a song that mirrors the emotional wreckage of my marriage. The lyrics delve into how emotional distance, distractions, and unresolved hurt tear apart relationships and, more importantly, how personal growth can lead one partner forward while the other remains stagnant.

If you wanna take a listen:

Verse 1

"Your hologram stumbled into my apartment

Hands in the hair of somebody in darkness named Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus"

This verse captures the emotional distance between my partner and I. Even though he was physically there, it felt like he was absent, disconnected. He was distracted by everything else, and I just stood by, helplessly watching as our marriage crumbled around us.

Verse 2

"And I just watched it happen

As the decade would play us for fools

And you saw my bones out with somebody new"

Watching our relationship fall apart over time was heartbreaking. I put myself out there, made myself vulnerable, but he seemed indifferent, too caught up in his own world. It was like we were both just bystanders, letting our marriage unravel without knowing how to fix it.

Chorus

"If you want to break my cold, cold heart

Just say, 'I loved you the way that you were'"

The chorus reflects my fear that he loved an old version of me, not the person I was becoming. That emotional disconnection was like a slow death to our relationship.

Verse 3

“Eventually, I had to step back for my own well being.”

"You needed me, but you needed drugs more

And I couldn’t watch it happen"

He prioritized everything else over our relationship. I tried to change, to adapt, to fix things, but nothing worked. Eventually, I had to step back for my own well being.

Verse 4

"Could it be enough to just float in your orbit

Cooler in theory but not if you force it"

Even now, I wish we could stay friends, but it seems there is too much pain. I’ve learned that forcing a friendship won’t work. Some things are too broken to fix, and we have to let go

The song reminds me of the emotional complexity of my marriage . Over time, I grew beyond the relationship, but my partner remained stuck, unable to accept the changes or move forward. Even now, as I’ve moved on and found my footing, the idea of staying friends feels impossible because he’s still holding onto the pain. Sometimes, no matter how much we want to stay connected, it’s healthier to let go and focus on healing ourselves.

“Sometimes, no matter how much we want to stay connected, it’s healthier to let go and focus on healing ourselves.”

Feeling connected to this reflection? Join us for our next Swift Steps meeting where we explore the emotional challenges of growth, love, and recovery. Our community is here to support you.

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