“I Can Do It With A Broken Heart!” from TTPD
At Swift Steps, we use lyrics and songs to reflect on our own experiences with addiction, mental health, and recovery—both mine and our members.
This week's song struck a chord with many of us, leading to some amazing discussions and insights. I want to assure you that I will never share what our members discuss because of our confidentiality promises.
However, I do gather my own thoughts before the meetings, and I’m excited to share them with you each week!
“I want to assure you that I will never share what our members discuss because of our confidentiality promises.“
This week’s song is "I Can Do It With A Broken Heart!" from TTPD.
If you wanna take a listen:
Verse 1
“I can read your mind
"She's having the time of her life"
“These lines hit me hard. They capture the facade I put up during my marriage. Everyone thought I was living the dream, but inside, I was struggling to keep it together.”
There in her glittering prime
The lights refract sequined stars off her silhouette every night
I can show you lies (one, two, three, four)
'Cause I'm a real tough kid, I can handle my shit
They said, "Babe, you gotta fake it 'til you make it" and I did
Lights, camera, bitch smile, even when you wanna die”
These lines hit me hard. They capture the facade I put up during my marriage. Everyone thought I was living the dream, but inside, I was struggling to keep it together. I often felt like I was performing a role, smiling through the pain. This was especially true after my separation when I was trying to maintain appearances, even though my world was falling apart.
Chorus
“He said he'd love me all his life
But that life was too short
Breaking down, I hit the floor
All the pieces of me shattered as the crowd was chanting, "More"
I was grinning like I'm winning, I was hitting my marks
'Cause I can do it with a broken heart (one, two, three, four)”
My husband always said he loved me, but our relationship was plagued by the consequences of my addiction. When things fell apart, I felt shattered, yet I kept pretending everything was fine. The need to keep up appearances while feeling broken inside is something many of us in recovery can relate to. The act of "grinning like I'm winning" while everything inside me was falling apart became a survival mechanism.
“The need to keep up appearances while feeling broken inside is something many of us in recovery can relate to. ”
Verse 2
“This verse speaks to the contradiction of feeling depressed while trying to appear joyful. ”
“I'm so depressed, I act like it's my birthday every day
I'm so obsessed with him but he avoids me like the plague
I cry a lot but I am so productive, it's an art
You know you're good when you can even do it
With a broken heart”
This verse speaks to the contradiction of feeling depressed while trying to appear joyful. During my marriage, I was obsessed with making things work, even though my husband and I were growing apart. My productivity was a way to cope, to distract myself from the pain. It became an art form, managing to function and even excel in some areas while feeling empty and broken inside.
“My productivity was a way to cope, to distract myself from the pain.”
Verse 3
“I can hold my breath
“Faking it until I made it became a mantra, trying to convince myself and others that I was okay. ”
I've been doing it since he left
I keep finding his things in drawers
Crucial evidence, I didn't imagine the whole thing
I'm sure I can pass this test (one, two, three, four)
'Cause I'm a real tough kid, I can handle my shit
They said, "Babe, you gotta fake it 'til you make it" and I did
Lights, camera, bitch smile, in stilettos for miles”
Holding my breath and finding remnants of my husband's presence was a daily reality after our separation. These small reminders made it hard to move on, constantly pulling me back into the past. Faking it until I made it became a mantra, trying to convince myself and others that I was okay. The pressure to appear strong and composed was immense, but deep down, I was struggling to keep it all together.
“The pressure to appear strong and composed was immense, but deep down, I was struggling to keep it all together.”
Chorus
“He said he'd love me for all time
“The repetition of this chorus underscores the pain of broken promises and shattered dreams.”
But that time was quite short
Breaking down, I hit the floor
All the pieces of me shattered as the crowd was chanting, "More"
I was grinning like I'm winning, I was hitting my marks
'Cause I can do it with a broken heart (one, two, three)”
The repetition of this chorus underscores the pain of broken promises and shattered dreams. Despite my best efforts, my marriage couldn't survive the damage caused by my addiction. The image of hitting the floor and breaking into pieces reflects the profound impact of this loss. Yet, I continued to put on a brave face, trying to convince myself and others that I could handle it, even with a broken heart.
“ I continued to put on a brave face, trying to convince myself and others that I could handle it, even with a broken heart.”
Feeling connected to this reflection? Join us for our next Swift Steps meeting where we explore the emotional challenges of growth, love, and recovery. Our community is here to support you.
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