“Clara Bow” from TTPD
At Swift Steps, we use lyrics and songs to reflect on our own experiences with addiction, mental health, and recovery—both mine and our members.
This week's song struck a chord with many of us, leading to some amazing discussions and insights. I want to assure you that I will never share what our members discuss because of our confidentiality promises.
However, I do gather my own thoughts before the meetings, and I’m excited to share them with you each week!
“I want to assure you that I will never share what our members discuss because of our confidentiality promises.“
This week’s song is "Clara Bow” from TTPD.
If you wanna take a listen:
Verse 1
“You look like Clara Bow in this light
Amazing
Did you know all your life
You’d be picked like a rose?”
These lines remind me of times when I was noticed and admired, but for reasons that didn’t feel right to me. Being compared to someone like Clara Bow, known for beauty and glamour, might seem like a compliment, but it just reminds me of the pressure to meet an ideal that was never really mine. When I weighed 215 lbs and then lost 100 lbs, it was shocking to see how differently people treated me. Suddenly, I was noticed and praised in situations where I used to feel invisible or even judged because of my size. But that praise came with its own problems, reinforcing the idea that losing weight is always a good thing, even when it was driven by unhealthy habits and body image issues. Seeing how people’s attitudes changed made me realize how much value society places on appearances, adding pressure to maintain an image that wasn’t healthy or sustainable for me. Being “picked like a rose” might seem flattering, but it also means being put on display and expected to be perfect all the time, no matter what it costs you.
Verse 2
“I’m not trying to exaggerate
But I think I might die if it happened
Die if it happened to me
No one in my small town thought
I’d see the lights of Manhattan”
This verse reminds me of the overwhelming pressure I felt to lose weight. The fear that I’d never be able to do it was so real, it felt suffocating. I remember thinking that if I ever did make it—if I ever got thin—the pressure would be so intense it might break me. The idea of “dying if it happened” hits hard because there were times I felt like I’d do anything, even something drastic, just to be thin. Those expectations were crushing, and it felt like they would be the end of me, whether I achieved them or not. I even had surgery to become thin, and I’d do it again if it meant staying thin.
Chorus
“The chorus talks about the constant battle between being real and fitting into a world that often values the fake. ”
“This town is fake but
You’re the real thing
Breath of fresh air through smoke rings
Take the glory, give everything
Promise to be dazzling”
The chorus talks about the constant battle between being real and fitting into a world that often values the fake. “This town is fake but you’re the real thing” feels like my life story—trying to stay true to myself while dealing with environments that felt shallow and demanding. The push to “take the glory” and “give everything” was always there, driving me to my limits. The demand to “promise to be dazzling” was exhausting, making me feel like I had to be more than I really was, which only worsened my struggles with self-worth.
“The demand to “promise to be dazzling” was exhausting...”
Verse 3
“You look like Stevie Nicks
In '75, the hair and lips
Crowd goes wild at her fingertips
“For example, being celebrated for my weight loss...when they praise me, it’s like they’re also saying how bad it was when I was heavier, and that stings more than they realize.”
Half moonshine, a full eclipse”
Stevie Nicks is an icon, and being compared to her feels like being told I should have that same power and allure. The crowd going wild at her fingertips reflects those moments when I was celebrated, but they were always fleeting, leaving me to deal with the aftermath of trying to keep up appearances while feeling empty inside.
For example, being celebrated for my weight loss—everyone praising the change but not understanding the hidden pain of knowing how wrong I felt for so long. When they praise me, it’s like they’re also saying how bad it was when I was heavier, and that stings more than they realize.
Chorus
“Going back to the chorus, I’m reminded of how relentless the pressure to be perfect was—and still is. ”
“This town is fake but
You’re the real thing
Breath of fresh air through smoke rings
Take the glory, give everything
Promise to be dazzling”
Going back to the chorus, I’m reminded of how relentless the pressure to be perfect was—and still is. The phrase “promise to be dazzling” sticks with me because it highlights the constant demand to shine brighter, even when I felt like I was barely holding on. The “smoke rings” symbolize the temporary escapes I sought, moments that felt like relief but ultimately left me more suffocated by the pressures I was trying to escape. It’s a vicious cycle that took a lot to break free from, and honestly, I’m not even sure I’ve fully broken free from it.
Bridge
“The crown is stained but you’re the real queen
Flesh and blood amongst war machines
You’re the new god we’re worshipping
Promise to be ... dazzling”
“The “stained crown” idea is about how even when you get what you thought you wanted, it’s not as great as you expected.”
The bridge talks about what it costs to hit your goals, like losing 100 lbs, and how it takes a toll on you. The “stained crown” idea is about how even when you get what you thought you wanted, it’s not as great as you expected.
Losing the weight might have seemed like the biggest win, but it turned out to be more complicated. It’s like you finally get there, but the reward isn’t as shiny as you thought—it’s been messed up by all the sacrifices and struggles along the way.
Being a “real queen” in a world of “war machines” feels like trying to stay yourself in a world that’s pretty cold and focused on appearances. It’s hard to keep your self-worth when everyone’s pushing you to fit a certain look, even if it messes with your mental and physical health. The success might look good from the outside, but it comes with a lot of weight that makes you wonder if it was really worth it.
“The success might look good from the outside, but it comes with a lot of weight that makes you wonder if it was really worth it.”
Verse 4
“Beauty is a beast that roars
Down on all fours
Demanding “more”
Only when your girlish glow
Flickers just so
Do they let you know”
This verse hits home because it talks about how beauty standards took over my life. Beauty became this beast that always demanded more—more effort, more sacrifice, more perfection. The “girlish glow” fading away reminds me of how youth and beauty don’t last, and as they start to slip away, you realize how much of your self-worth was tied to them. This has been a huge trigger for me, fueling my disordered eating, unhealthy relationship with food, and that all-or-nothing mentality that’s been so hard to shake.
“ Beauty became this beast that always demanded more—more effort, more sacrifice, more perfection. ”
Chorus
“It’s hell on earth to be heavenly
Them’s the breaks
They don’t come gently
You look like Taylor Swift
In this light
We’re loving it.
You’ve got edge she never did
The future’s bright
... Dazzling.”
““It’s hell on earth to be heavenly” sums up the pain of trying to live up to impossible standards. ”
The final chorus ties everything together. “It’s hell on earth to be heavenly” sums up the pain of trying to live up to impossible standards. Being compared to Taylor Swift, but with “an edge she never did,” feels like a reminder that no matter how hard I tried to fit into these molds, there was always something different about me—sometimes for better, sometimes for worse.
The line “the future’s bright” is bittersweet because it speaks to hope, but it also highlights the constant pressure to keep up the act, to never show any flaws. It’s a tough reminder of the pressures I’ve faced and still face, and how they’ve shaped my struggles with self-worth.
Conclusion
This song is a powerful reflection of the pressures of success, beauty, and identity, and how they’ve played out in my life. The lyrics resonate deeply with my experiences of trying to stay true to myself in a world that often demands perfection. Through this song, I see the toll these expectations have taken on my mental health and the ways I turned to addiction to cope. As I keep working through these challenges, I’m reminded of how important it is to be kind to myself and the strength it takes to stay real, even when the world is asking for something else.
“The lyrics resonate deeply with my experiences of trying to stay true to myself in a world that often demands perfection. Through this song, I see the toll these expectations have taken on my mental health and the ways I turned to addiction to cope.”
Feeling connected to this reflection? Join us for our next Swift Steps meeting where we explore the emotional challenges of growth, love, and recovery. Our community is here to support you.
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