22 from Red
At Swift Steps, we use lyrics and songs to reflect on our own experiences with addiction, mental health, and recovery—both mine and our members.
This week's song struck a chord with many of us, leading to some amazing discussions and insights. I want to assure you that I will never share what our members discuss because of our confidentiality promises.
However, I do gather my own thoughts before the meetings, and I’m excited to share them with you each week!
“I want to assure you that I will never share what our members discuss because of our confidentiality promises.“
This week’s song is "22" from RED.
If you wanna take a listen:
After my marriage ended, I experienced profound changes. I began exploring my sexuality and rediscovering who I truly am, all while confronting the pain I once caused. For me, "22" isn’t just a fun party anthem—it encapsulates a complex mix of emotions: the thrill of a fresh start intertwined with the sting of past mistakes.
Verse 1
“It feels like a perfect night to dress up like hipsters”
This line represents my attempt to conceal my true emotions through distraction. I embraced the theme wholeheartedly, attending events simply for the fun of wearing a standout outfit—a temporary escape from inner turmoil.
“And make fun of our exes, uh-uh, uh-uh”
Using humor as a shield, I found it easier to poke fun at my ex rather than confront my own role in the breakup. It was simpler to highlight his flaws than to face the guilt of my own shortcomings.
“It feels like a perfect night for breakfast at midnight”
This lyric is a nod to my impulsiveness—a readiness to break away from routine and embrace spontaneity. It hints at the messy side of me: distracted, sleepless, and driven by impulse.
"To fall in love with strangers, uh-uh, uh-uh”
Here, the song captures my tendency to dive quickly into new attractions. Driven by a deep-seated need for validation and acceptance (and, yes, a lot of impulsive flings), I sought to fill a void with fleeting encounters.
Pre-Chorus
“We’re happy, free, confused and lonely at the same time”
This line perfectly encapsulates the complexity of my emotions. I experienced bursts of happiness and freedom even as I grappled with confusion and isolation.
“It's miserable and magical, oh, yeah”
The juxtaposition here shows the bittersweet nature of my post-marriage life. Even in my most miserable moments, there was a spark of magic—a subtle reminder that beauty and pain can coexist.
“Even in my most miserable moments, there was a spark of magic—a subtle reminder that beauty and pain can coexist.”
“Tonight’s the night when we forget about the deadlines”
This is a call to abandon the pressures and responsibilities of everyday life, even if just for one night. It was an invitation to call out of work and embrace a moment of reckless, unburdened freedom.
Chorus
“I don't know about you, but I'm feeling 22”
While this line radiates youthful exuberance, for me it also exposes a deep vulnerability—a mix of uncertainty and a longing to reclaim my freedom without the constraints of past relationships.
“Everything will be alright if you keep me next to you”
This echoes the reassurance I so desperately sought, much like the comfort I found in my sister’s support. It’s a reminder that sometimes, the presence of someone who truly cares can help navigate life’s storms.
“You don’t know about me, but I'll bet you want to”
There's a playful confidence in this line—a flirtatious declaration of my own allure. Even if others don’t fully understand me, there’s an undeniable magnetism in the way I present myself, a self-assuredness that shines through.
“Everything will be alright if we just keep dancing like we’re”
This final thought is a belief in the healing power of movement and routine. No matter how chaotic life gets, there’s comfort in simply dancing through the ups and downs, day after day—a reminder to keep going, even if it’s just through distraction.
The Clash of Overwhelm and Escape.
Verse 2
“It seems like one of those nights, this place is too crowded”
This line sets the scene of feeling overwhelmed—being in a space that’s too packed, too noisy, too much. It reflects a moment of feeling out of place amidst the superficiality of the crowd.
“Too many cool kids (who's Taylor Swift anyway? Ew), uh-uh, uh-uh”
Here, the lyrics underscore a sense of alienation. Amid the crowd, I felt a disconnect—a clear reminder that sometimes, being part of the “in-crowd” isn’t as appealing as it seems.
“It seems like one of those nights, we ditch the whole scene”
This suggests a spontaneous decision to escape. When the atmosphere becomes too stifling, I’d often find myself wanting to abandon the scene entirely, seeking solace away from the chaos.
“And end up dreamin' instead of sleeping”
Rather than achieving true rest, my mind drifted into a manic, dreamlike state—caught between reality and the allure of my wandering thoughts. It was a restless escape from the pressures of the day.
"22" has become a powerful testament to my personal journey. The song isn’t simply about partying or youthful abandon; it’s an intimate narrative of transformation. Each line reflects a piece of my struggle—whether it’s hiding behind distractions, seeking solace in humor, or recklessly chasing fleeting connections to fill an emotional void. Yet, amidst the chaos and messiness of my post-marriage life, there remains a persistent hope—a belief that even in confusion and loneliness, there can be moments of magic and healing.
“Yet, amidst the chaos and messiness of my post-marriage life, there remains a persistent hope—a belief that even in confusion and loneliness, there can be moments of magic and healing.”
This reflective breakdown is my way of owning every part of my journey: acknowledging the mistakes, embracing the messy spontaneity, and committing to a path of self-discovery. Ultimately, "22" is not just a song—it’s my journey through the bittersweet interplay of pain and freedom.
Feeling connected to this reflection? Join us for our next Swift Steps meeting where we explore the emotional challenges of growth, love, and recovery. Our community is here to support you.
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